Half a Mom

Well, it's the beginning of the school year. This has been an uproar for me. That was pretty self-centered of me to say. A new school year brings changes for literally every family with school-aged children. Even if you homeschool, co-ops start back up. Or questions about why you homeschool are resurrected from their judgmental grave. A new school year is new for everyone. 

Photo Credit: Shane Milne

This year, we had two kids starting public school for the first time. Jude was homeschooled for Kindergarten last year, and I really feel it was the right decision for him at the time. After much growth from Jude, a move from the west coast to the midwest, and a change in school districts, we decided to place Jude in in mainstream first grade. It's a learning experience, but I would say that it's going relatively well. I can tell you it's going 100 times better than my anxiety filled mind anticipated.

Photo Credit: Shane Milne

Not only did Jude start first grade, but my sweet Gideon started kindergarten. How did my baby grow into an almost-six year old going to elementary school? I have had two babies since Gideon, but his innocence and sweetness keeps him so small in my mind. But only in my mind... the
boy is built like a linebacker. He towers over all the teeny kids in his class.

The good news is, my boys are LOVING school! Sure, it's only been two weeks for Jude and one for Gideon, but they come home happy every day and are excited to go back to school the next day. To be fair, Gideon has been asking to go to school since he was eighteen months old. That boy could not wait one more minute for kindergarten to begin. Jude was cautiously optimistic. After all the build up, the boys are big fans of school.

Jammie Credit: Grandma Kim

I wish I could share the sentiment. I am so happy that Jude and Giddy are loving school, but I feel like a big piece of me is missing for 7 hours every single day. I have been a stay at home mom since the day Jude was born. Because I foolishly chose to send not one, but two of my four kids at once to school, I feel like I am constantly forgetting something. It's like I am only doing half my job. Instead of taking care of two boys and two girls all day, the majority of my day is spent with my two wonderful little girls.

Abby (almost 4) and Gracie (almost 1) are also noticing a huge difference in the day. At first, I think Abby was really enjoying all the extra attention and play time. Now it's starting to get a little lonely without her big brothers to entertain her, and Abby says "Gracie is so bad at playing princess castle!"

It's definitely an adjustment for all of us,  and it has become very obvious to me that I need to find a more productive way to fill my time other than obsessing over what Jude and Gideon may or may not be doing during the day. That is where this blog comes in. I used to blog often, but then I got pregnant with Gracie. Having four kids and writing a quick blog post just seemed too overwhelming at the time.

Now seems as good a time as any to pick up writing again. I always enjoyed, and now I have much more free time on my hands. Did you know that taking care of two kids during the day takes way less time than taking care of four? Guys, I even had time to fold laundry this week. I mean, I didn't... but I totally could have!

What did other stay at home moms do once their littles started going to school?

Chyan

An open letter to my daughter

*Disclaimer*

I am generally not a huge fan of open letters. I find that the writer of the  open letter often feels the need to make the letter public for two reasons:

1.The author is hoping to use the letter to persuade the recipient to change something, and knows that publicly calling someone out will make it harder for the recipient to deny the request or cause. The person sending the letter knows that the person receiving the letter will most likely not have a change of heart in the matter. However the recipient could possibly do what the author asks, even if just to avoid more “bad press”. 

2.The author is either unable or too scared to address the recipient privately and/or in person.

I realize there are occasionally positive open letters that wish to shine a light on those so deserving of positive attention. This is not one of those letters.

Why then, am I writing an open letter to my sweet, spunky, beautiful two year daughter? basically for the two the reasons I listed above. I want her to accept my request (whether she actually wants to or not), and… she scares me. Don't let the cute face fool you. She is a force to be reckoned with: physically, mentally, and emotionally.

So, without further ado, my open letter to my daughter:

Dearest Abigail,

I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this. I was confident that we could deal with this in a more civilized manner, but your lack of cooperation has forced my hand. I am sure you can guess what my complaint is, and I think you also know the solution. But since I have had to be the bigger person since we met, I will continue to be the adult here, and I will (once again) make my request.

Will you PLEASE use potty?

I know you are capable of using both your potty chair and the big-girl toilet. I have seen you do it on enough occasions that I know it was not just a fluke. You are a very smart little girl, with many talents and abilities. If you can turn on a tablet, and use said tablet to take selfies, you can sit on the potty chair to do your business. 

You have made it very clear that you also have control over when and  where you relieve yourself. Three Saturday nights ago, I was tucking you in and I asked if you were excited to play with your friends  at church the next morning. You responded “Yeah! I gonna poop there!” I asked if you were going to use the potty in the nursery, and you said no. You were going to poop on the slide. You knew that even though your diapers have been taken away from you during the day while at home, I would have no choice but to put a diaper on you for church. No one can ever say that you are a liar. The next morning, I was paged from the nursery to come and change your diaper… that you apparently soiled while hiding by the slide. Every outing sense then has been an opportunity for you to, in the words of Princess Elsa, “Let it go”

Seriously, I am really, really, really tired of cleaning up your “accidents.”  Diapers are expensive and unpleasant to handle. What will it take to persuade you to use the potty consistently? Ice cream? A dollar? Five dollars? A new Daisy Duck toy? As you can see, I am not above bribery. Name your price. I am open to negotiation.  

One more thing, I thought that in was in poor taste this morning when you went number one in your potty chair, received cheers and applause, then went directly into the hall closet a left a number two for me to find. Come on Abs, you’re better than that.

With all the love in the world,

Mommy

I'm so crafty, you don't even know

I did it! It was a success! Nothing can stop me now! I am an all-star! Look out all you wannabe artsy mommas out there; there's a new craft-time sheriff in town! 

You are probably wondering what I did that I feel deserves an entire blog post. Did I create a chandelier out of vintage pieces and renewable resources? No.

Did I build my children a mini stage to put on plays and play dress up, complete with hand made costumes and backdrops that I designed and painted myself? Nope.

Did I pull a Leslie Knope, and create a mosaic of my best gal pal out from crushed bottles of her favorite diet soda? I most certainly did not.

Thanks, NBC and Parks and Recreation

So what did I do? I'll tell you! I made.... (drumroll, please).... HOMEMADE PLAY DOUGH!

Oh let me guess, you're not impressed. But let me tell you, this is by far the craftiest thing I have ever done. My poor children were not blessed with a very creative mommy. I think the last "craft" I did with my children (besides coloring or water color painting) was making snow flakes out of coffee filters around Christmas time. 

I have never been someone who enjoys arts and crafts. As a child, I would dread craft time. I hated it when an "artist in residence" would come to our class for one week a year. They would show up and literally ruin my life for one week straight. I have never felt any sort of rest or relaxation from trying to do an art project. I usually just feel a sense inadequacy and nausea.

So why did I attempt something that was sure to make me perspire more than a four mile run through the world's longest sauna?  Two reasons:

1. I really love my kids, and they really wanted some play dough

2. My mom and the website convinced me that even a small child could make it.

So I got a play dough recipe off this website: http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-Make-Playdough-Play-doh/  and I got to work.

It really was easy! I mean, It was literally just warming up a dough mixture over the stove. I didn't have any food coloring, so my little ones just used plain white play dough to make their little creations. Thank goodness they appear to be more creative than me.

After I had finished my task, I called my mother, brother, and husband. I realize that is absolutely ridiculous, but hey, it was a pretty big deal to me!

I am now realizing that it you allow the dough to dry, it becomes cement. Currently, I am chipping dried play dough off every surface in my home. What was I thinking? 

What are your easy go-to crafts?

Chyan

the social media sin everyone commits

Yup, months of nothing and now here's a blog post. I'm funny like that. Here it goes:

Lately I have seen a lot of blog posts, articles, status updates, tweets, etc. about people not being "real" on social media. You've seen it. Someone is upset because some other person only posts the best possible photos of themselves, only share stories of when their children are being sweet little prepubescent angels, only talks about how their spouses are loving and selfless martyrs for their marriage.  The nerve! Where is the authenticity? How are we all supposed to feel good about ourselves and our normal, tough, smelly lives when people are always photoshopping reality?

My response to this: So what? Why are we comparing our worst selves to someone's best selves, anyway? Can we please accept that no one wants to pull back the curtain and show the tough side of life? Who wants to dwell on that anyway? Everyone wants to remember the day when they looked fantastic, the kids were well behaved, and their spouse was especially wonderful. No one wants to look back on the day when they where being a grumpy troll-looking person,  their offspring were acting like spawns of the underworld, and your partner in life is making it seem like "'til death do us part" cannot come soon enough. Who wants to think about that?

I'll give you an example from my own life. Yesterday was a fairly good day with my kiddos. It wasn't perfect, but I also didn't consider looking up boarding schools that take children under the age of four. Anyway, it was a beautiful day, so we went outside to play for a while. Right now all my kids love washing the car and their outdoor toys when we are outside. We filled up a little storage tote with water and started cleaning. I've got to say, it was adorable! What wasn't so adorable? When my four year old stripped down naked, climbed in the water, and informed me that he only takes baths outside now. Embarrassing, right? Did I also mention that our pastor saw us outside, stopped by to chat, and saw all the nudity and humility ensue? Because that happened. Now which picture you think I want to share with the world? The one of my adorable children working together, or the one of me chasing my kids around the front yard, trying to get my naked one inside, while my two youngest run in opposite directions? Oh, and my pastor is witness to my 5 star parenting... yeah this is what you are going to see:

 Just look at how cute my boys are! Working together! And have you seen my beautiful daughter lately?

















                                           Oh, and here's one more of Jude, working hard!

Yeah. No way are you going to see the insanity that ensued a mere moments later.

People act like this is a new phenomenon, but it's not. I remember being a kid, and we had to scrub the house when certain people came over to visit. Is that really how we lived? Of course not. That would impossible. Did anyone else's parents take them to that photo studio in the mall? You had to dress in whatever your mom picked out for you (the outfit usually coordinated way too well with whatever the rest of the family was wearing), and then your parents would go through and choose the few pictures that made everyone look the most presentable. Your mom and dad would hang those pictures with pride in the house and send copies to your grandparents in Christmas cards. I don't remember my parents once sending a picture of my brother and I screaming at each other and trying to make our parents snap. Why? Because nobody likes to be seen at their worst.

Can we all just agree that we all have bad days, and we choose to share our best days on social media? As long as we admit that life doesn't always look as rosy as the pictures we share, I don't think it's so bad.


Agree? Disagree?

Chyan

Rousing discussions.

"Good!"
"Bad!"
"Good!"
"Bad!"

You don't want to get into it with these two

"Goo-ood!"
"Bad! Bad! Baa-aad!"
"No he not! Dar-Baber is goooood!"
"Yes he do! Darf Vader is the bad guy, wif all the storm troofers! Loof Sigh-water is the good guy!"
"Nooooo! Dar-Baber is Loof Sigh-water's Daddy!"

This is an argument Jude and Gideon engaged in just a couple of days ago that ended in a wrestling
match. In case you don't speak three and four year old boy, this was a Star Wars fueled argument. Gideon is convinced that Darth Vader is a good guy, because he is Luke Skywalker's daddy, and come on, he's on all the merchandise! Why would you put the bad guy all over the merchandise? Jude, on the other hand, knows that Darth Vader is a bad guy. Why would a good guy need Storm Troopers and hurt people?

Now, I feel like I should inform you that the boys had only seen A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back at this point. They hadn't watched Return of the Jedi when (*SPOILER ALERT*...but seriously, this movie is 32 years old) Darth Vader redeemed himself by saving Luke Skywalker and destroying the Emperor. Shane watched all three original movies with the boys over three or four days. Jude and Gideon absolutely loved them! Star Wars is often played in our living room now.

The only problem is, the whole Darth Vader discussion can get pretty heated. Don't get me wrong, I love a spirited debate as much as the next person. I just don't know if I can sit through another round of the "is Darth Vader good or bad?" fight. It wouldn't bother me as much if it didn't always end in a physical altercation. I am thankful that I have two kids that will stand their ground when they really care about something. And really, is there a more noble argument to have?

What are some ridiculous or hilarious children's debates you have been witness to?

Chyan

"If you'd just straighten it"

Can we just talk about how beautiful my daughter is? I know I know I know. Looks shouldn't matter. It's what's on the inside that counts. Everyone is a snow flake. But come on, my daughter is absolutely beautiful, and I think it's okay to acknowledge that.

Abigail has the most wonderfully round cheeks. Her button nose, plump lips, cherub-like physique, long eyelashes, and hazel eyes are enough to make anyone's heart melt. But what really gets me is her curly blond hair. I absolutely love it! It just fits her personality so well! It's spunky, wild, and precious. Her curls are so fantastic, that I like to take pictures of them.  Here's a shot of her curls from the back:

Gorgeous, right? This is what her hair looks like when I let it air-dry, and I leave it alone.  I shared this picture on Facebook a couple of weeks ago, and it was agreed that she is adorable and wonderful. Then a dear friend of mine said something that really shook me.

My friend said that she hopes that Abigail loves and appreciates her natural curls when she gets older. It hit me that most people with curly hair generally learn to hate it. They see it, and they think " I wish I had straight hair." I know this is true, because my hair is naturally very curly. I never really thought much of it. Everyone wanted curly hair in the 90's, so my elementary school style was right on pointe. 

I'm not quite sure when, but there came a time when my curly hair was all of a sudden "ugly." I remember girls telling me that I would look prettier if I would just straighten my hair. Every movie with a transformation story always took an "ugly" girl with curly hair, and a big part of her make over was straightening her hair. With her hair straightened, face painted, and natural self hidden, she was then considered "beautiful." This never sat well with me, and I began to feel like my naturally dark, curly hair (which was the opposite of what I was seeing) was holding me back. My hair was the first thing that made me feel ugly. 

I remember getting a haircut that I was really excited about, and multiple people told me "oh your haircut would be so cute, if you'd just straighten it." I remember begging my mother for a flat iron, and once I got one, I would only wear my hair straight for a long time. Thankfully, I have a husband who loves me and thinks my un-dyed (yup, I 'm one of the few weirdos that have never colored their hair), curly hair is beautiful. He often tells me that I'm beautiful when my hair is mess, and I have no make up on. 

The point of this post is not that my husband thinks I'm pretty, or that I think Abby is beautiful, or that people should like curly hair more. The point of this post is that we should encourage girls from a young age to embrace and appreciate the hair and face they were born with. I know this is not a new idea, but it is something that has recently been weighing down on me. I want my daughter to love her face, hair, and body. I want her to feel beautiful because of her natural hair, not in spite of it.

Am I against using products to enhance our beauty? Absolutely not. I use make up and flat iron my hair often. I just don't want Abigail to feel like she needs to do these things to feel pretty or loved.

Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but I don't think it's too much to ask that all women feel confident, no matter what.

Chyan

I might do better next year

First off, it has been way to long since my last blog post. I have wanted to write. At one point I felt like I needed to write, but I have continued to find other ways to fill my time. After far too long of a break, I feel like it's time to start writing again. Maybe it's because I missed writing. Maybe it's because the holidays are over, and I feel like I can decompress a little more now. Maybe it's because I just finished Amy Poehler's book Yes Please, and I feel inspired. Yup, it's definitely  the last one. What can I say? I am easily influenced by awesome women.

Anyway, It's December 31st, and everyone is reflecting, making resolutions, and setting goals for themselves. I have never been great at the whole New Year's Resolution thing. Most people aren't. Year after year, 92% of us make these goals, then crash and burn only two weeks later.

Sometimes we fail because of fear. On New Years Day 2008, I made a resolution to be bold and tell my crush that I was interested in him. I was a freshman in college and he was a junior. What's the worst that could happen? I knew he was a nice guy. I knew that even if he wasn't into the idea, he would let me down gently. I got back to school, saw him, felt myself shrink to about 7 inches tall, and immediately decided that it was a stupid resolution. I then attempted to bury those ridiculous feelings as deep as humanly possible. The fear of being rejected was literally too much for me to bear. Thankfully, by fall 2008, things had worked out on their own, and Shane and I started dating. Now that I think about it, I don't think I have ever told him this story... I guess he can read it here... Hi Honey! I love you!

Sometimes our resolutions get thrown to the wayside because of laziness. Running a marathon seemed like a cool goal. But come on, there is no way I was actually going to run a marathon. I can't even bring myself to jog three times a week. I gave that one up after looking up training schedules and the work out regimen required to complete a physically demanding task like a marathon. 26.2 miles is really far, you guys!

On the rarest of occasions, we don't reach our goals because of circumstances beyond our control. The first New Years Shane and I celebrated as a married couple came about two weeks after we got married. I made a resolution to lose ten pounds of fat and get toned (I miss the days when I was only 10 pounds from my target weight). I did fantastic for about three weeks. I was getting up every morning and really seeing some progress. I was losing weight and feeling great! Then all of a sudden, I was incredibly sick. I would throw up off and on all day, until around 7 PM. Even with this random illness, I was still pushing myself to reach my goal. Weigh in day came, and I have gained three pounds from the last week! How did this happen? Well, apparently I was three weeks pregnant. Yup. I was pregnant with Jude. My honeymoon baby was due in late September. Instead of losing ten pounds, I gained around 50. Yikes. That first pregnancy really did a number on me.

Needless to say, I am not making a resolution this year. I am the worst at them. Instead of doing the whole charade, I am just going to look forward to 2015 with excitement and anticipation. Every year is different and awful and amazing in their own wonderful way. There is so much that can happen in a year. It's 365 mini adventures, and I am looking ahead with an open mind and open heart.

Good luck to all of you with goals and resolutions for this year! I would love to hear what they are, what your secret is to keeping your resolution, and how successful you've been in the past.



Happy New Year!