Lately I have seen a lot of blog posts, articles, status updates, tweets, etc. about people not being "real" on social media. You've seen it. Someone is upset because some other person only posts the best possible photos of themselves, only share stories of when their children are being sweet little prepubescent angels, only talks about how their spouses are loving and selfless martyrs for their marriage. The nerve! Where is the authenticity? How are we all supposed to feel good about ourselves and our normal, tough, smelly lives when people are always photoshopping reality?
My response to this: So what? Why are we comparing our worst selves to someone's best selves, anyway? Can we please accept that no one wants to pull back the curtain and show the tough side of life? Who wants to dwell on that anyway? Everyone wants to remember the day when they looked fantastic, the kids were well behaved, and their spouse was especially wonderful. No one wants to look back on the day when they where being a grumpy troll-looking person, their offspring were acting like spawns of the underworld, and your partner in life is making it seem like "'til death do us part" cannot come soon enough. Who wants to think about that?
I'll give you an example from my own life. Yesterday was a fairly good day with my kiddos. It wasn't perfect, but I also didn't consider looking up boarding schools that take children under the age of four. Anyway, it was a beautiful day, so we went outside to play for a while. Right now all my kids love washing the car and their outdoor toys when we are outside. We filled up a little storage tote with water and started cleaning. I've got to say, it was adorable! What wasn't so adorable? When my four year old stripped down naked, climbed in the water, and informed me that he only takes baths outside now. Embarrassing, right? Did I also mention that our pastor saw us outside, stopped by to chat, and saw all the nudity and humility ensue? Because that happened. Now which picture you think I want to share with the world? The one of my adorable children working together, or the one of me chasing my kids around the front yard, trying to get my naked one inside, while my two youngest run in opposite directions? Oh, and my pastor is witness to my 5 star parenting... yeah this is what you are going to see:
Just look at how cute my boys are! Working together! And have you seen my beautiful daughter lately?
Oh, and here's one more of Jude, working hard!
Yeah. No way are you going to see the insanity that ensued a mere moments later.
People act like this is a new phenomenon, but it's not. I remember being a kid, and we had to scrub the house when certain people came over to visit. Is that really how we lived? Of course not. That would impossible. Did anyone else's parents take them to that photo studio in the mall? You had to dress in whatever your mom picked out for you (the outfit usually coordinated way too well with whatever the rest of the family was wearing), and then your parents would go through and choose the few pictures that made everyone look the most presentable. Your mom and dad would hang those pictures with pride in the house and send copies to your grandparents in Christmas cards. I don't remember my parents once sending a picture of my brother and I screaming at each other and trying to make our parents snap. Why? Because nobody likes to be seen at their worst.
Can we all just agree that we all have bad days, and we choose to share our best days on social media? As long as we admit that life doesn't always look as rosy as the pictures we share, I don't think it's so bad.
Agree? Disagree?
Chyan
My response to this: So what? Why are we comparing our worst selves to someone's best selves, anyway? Can we please accept that no one wants to pull back the curtain and show the tough side of life? Who wants to dwell on that anyway? Everyone wants to remember the day when they looked fantastic, the kids were well behaved, and their spouse was especially wonderful. No one wants to look back on the day when they where being a grumpy troll-looking person, their offspring were acting like spawns of the underworld, and your partner in life is making it seem like "'til death do us part" cannot come soon enough. Who wants to think about that?
I'll give you an example from my own life. Yesterday was a fairly good day with my kiddos. It wasn't perfect, but I also didn't consider looking up boarding schools that take children under the age of four. Anyway, it was a beautiful day, so we went outside to play for a while. Right now all my kids love washing the car and their outdoor toys when we are outside. We filled up a little storage tote with water and started cleaning. I've got to say, it was adorable! What wasn't so adorable? When my four year old stripped down naked, climbed in the water, and informed me that he only takes baths outside now. Embarrassing, right? Did I also mention that our pastor saw us outside, stopped by to chat, and saw all the nudity and humility ensue? Because that happened. Now which picture you think I want to share with the world? The one of my adorable children working together, or the one of me chasing my kids around the front yard, trying to get my naked one inside, while my two youngest run in opposite directions? Oh, and my pastor is witness to my 5 star parenting... yeah this is what you are going to see:
Just look at how cute my boys are! Working together! And have you seen my beautiful daughter lately?
Oh, and here's one more of Jude, working hard!
People act like this is a new phenomenon, but it's not. I remember being a kid, and we had to scrub the house when certain people came over to visit. Is that really how we lived? Of course not. That would impossible. Did anyone else's parents take them to that photo studio in the mall? You had to dress in whatever your mom picked out for you (the outfit usually coordinated way too well with whatever the rest of the family was wearing), and then your parents would go through and choose the few pictures that made everyone look the most presentable. Your mom and dad would hang those pictures with pride in the house and send copies to your grandparents in Christmas cards. I don't remember my parents once sending a picture of my brother and I screaming at each other and trying to make our parents snap. Why? Because nobody likes to be seen at their worst.
Can we all just agree that we all have bad days, and we choose to share our best days on social media? As long as we admit that life doesn't always look as rosy as the pictures we share, I don't think it's so bad.
Agree? Disagree?
Chyan
I think it depends on how each person uses Facebook. Some use it as a scrapbook or time capsule, others use it as a social group or for everyday interactions. I think there's nothing wrong with sharing your proud moments, your posed pictures only of that's how you want to use it.
ReplyDeleteI mostly use my public profile page as a scrapbook of sorts so I do sometimes crop out the messy house and or make my kid put a T-shirt on and don't tend to complain much. But the private groups of like minded people I'm in are pretty raw and uncensored since the purpose of those is peer support or social interactions or self improvement and I wanna be real.
I think that some people, (who likely don't see fakebook as a scrapbook/memory storage) feel inadequate or looked down on if they see others posting their perfect lives, either because they are slightly insecure in themselves or because they know that no one has a spotless house 24/7 and the mere fact that Perfect Patty is posting her precious princesses playing politely and not her unwashed heathens coloring on the walls while she yells at the tv for not loading Netflix is somewhat of an insult. Like "you think it's so horrible to be real (like me) that you're faking it and that's rude".
I love when I see uncropped pictures of kids being silly with a messy house in the background, makes me feel like I'm not alone in my realness.
I say, use Facebook however you want and don't judge how others use it. And be kind.
I agree with you Cydi. Use Facebook how YOU want. It's not anyone else's job to judge...especially over something as trivial as how we use social media
ReplyDelete